Working at home in your pyjamas, not showering, and looking like you gave up on life decades ago, is one thing. But the real problem with returning to civilisation is now, you have to differentiate between your internal and external monologue. Which has proven to be not as easy as putting on actual shoes.
The other day, I did put on real clothes. I went all out: a little skirt, a knit, under a fitted denim jacket, and even some actual boots (while I desired to wear my Uggs, I realised I was more than that). So, off I went, exiting the nest to my friend’s house. We had some work to do.
Here I was on her lounge, all of us tapping away at our keyboards when my friend spoke.
‘What would you like?” she said.
“I’m sorry?”
“You just said you were hungry.”
And this came as quite a surprise because while I certainly felt hungry, I didn’t know that I had expressed those words out loud. In fact, I thought they were just feelings. Or, possibly a thought bubble with no sound. But no, I had verbally declared my hunger. Which makes me think, what other things will I just blurt out? (“What were you thinking wearing white jeans? I can see your cellulite a mile away.”)
The offensive stream of consciousness that is likely to exit my untrained mouth is really limitless. And in this age of heightened political correctness, fragile co-workers and HR—this could prove to be quite the minefield.
Can we also talk about other homeiso behaviour that needs prompt address? Sure, you’ve got the hand-washing down pat but what about the unrestrained releasing of wind to a room populated only by your dogs? And how about the automatic scratching your privates when you are no longer private? Muttering under your breath in a constant rattling of inaudible monologue punctured only by some very LOUD robust, words – this too may have to be modified. (And you thought it was just the wearing of a bra every day that would push you over. No siree.) There certainly are many obstacles abound regarding your smooth transition to the workplace.
Maybe you haven’t been working from home. Perhaps, like so many in the world, you have been unemployed (ahem) and your time management skills, in fact, life skills are now very much in question.
Like the basics of having a set lunch break that doesn’t involve eating peanut butter from a jar or cheese-slices from the fridge. And, the catching of public transport, washing your hair, completing tasks within a time frame, not drinking before noon and pretending to care.
How does one re-develop these long-forgotten habits?
Let’s face it, 2020 made us squatters in our own home. Many of us lost our shine, our social skills and grooming.
I think it’s time that we declare that homeiso also eroded our filter. And really, in this moment of time, can one just change gears from months of working in the lounge-room, to hi-I’m-in-an-office-with-people? Too much, too soon. Let’s start with some baby steps.
Why not wear a little eye makeup and an at-home bra? Control all flatulence. Stop swearing under your breath. (Actually talking to your self in any form, should be curbed immediately.)
And finally, be mindful that when you think of something offensive, there is a high chance that you’ve already said it out loud.
Bonne chance!